Breane Bayaca

Creative Assistant/ Production Assistant

I was always the biggest kid in the class. I remember being in kindergarten and having family members tell me that I desperately needed to lose weight. But no matter what exercises I did, no matter how much basketball I played or how active I stayed, I just couldn’t keep it off.

Food always played a huge part in my life. When I was happy, I’d enjoy ice cream. When I was sad, I’d sulk with comforting fast food. When I was just lounging around, I would mindlessly finish a bag of party sized chips. And through it all, I was always looking for the same attention from others that I was giving food.

My biggest weight loss was found towards the end of my High School career. I remember eating less and doing crunches and push ups every night thinking it would make me more attractive. I was the thinnest I ever was but I wasn’t happy. Soon I got burnt out and by the time I was into my first year of college, I gained all the weight back. And ever since then, I’ve been in a constant push and pull, yoyo-ing, teetering between fit and fat.

I’ve lost weight thinking it would make me happier. It didn’t. I’ve lost weight thinking it would make people like me. It didn’t. Spite is a potent motivator but the impulse quickly fades and I ended up gaining back the weight. I didn’t feel good no matter how much weight I lost.

That’s why I’m glad Kinda Fit Kinda Fat is here, serving as a constant reminder to be content with my current self, knowing fully of what progress I’m capable and in pursuit of. A reminder that I don’t have to seek approval from others. A reminder to be my best self, whether that is mentally and/or physically. These days, I’m the strongest I’ve ever been but I still eat as many chips as I can in one sitting.

Will I struggle in the future? Will I fail to reach goals? Of course I will. As long as I never give up on myself, I’ll be fine. As long as you don’t give up on yourself, you will too. That’s life and that’s okay. Just don’t forget to be content and happy with yourself! Continue to be motivated in Making Gainz Both Ways, and everything will be okay!